The 12 bars of “I Hate Myself”
If you haven’t heard of the event “12 bars of Christmas” or what I have tried to rename it “The 12 bars of fuck fest/ slut mas” – neither of which have caught on yet, then I can only assume you live in a place full of wholesome fun. This event is a 12-stop bar crawl through the grimiest places from Waterloo to Montreal. Why did I do this to myself? I found myself asking in the morning. The answer was simple. Alcohol. There is nothing more hilarious then getting annihilated with my friends from high school and wrecking havoc on a town that will never see me again.
The evening started at 7:00 pm, usually I would just be getting out of bed to start my day at this time. Last night, however I was already funneling myself while Drake played in the background. And since no one can say it better than Drizzy himself, we went 0-100 – real quick.
After singing Rocket Man on karaoke to an empty bar, slipping on countless ice patches, falling off the risers, tossing back every “mandatory” shot on the list, twerk offs, DMFO’s (dance floor make out’s) and pizza stops we made it to the final bar- Dallas, which oddly enough was just Stages with a mechanical bull. This place was terrifying. There was no escaping from the movember madness, and frankly none of us could even dance without someone forcefully trying to reach down our pants.
I’m not sure what draws such a massive crowd to an event like this? Yes, it is fun to go out but this event is highly over rated. It was strange to walk into every bar and see every single person wearing the same t-shirt as you. Everyone was too drunk to stand by the final bar or in tears because of some drama with a friend or significant other. Events like this bring out the worst in people, probably because everyone is drunk by 7:00 pm.
Next time when you’re invited via Facebook to a Pub Crawl ask yourself these questions:
1. Do you hate yourself?
2. Do you like force-feeding yourself disgustingly sugary shots?
3. Are you comfortable enough to grind through your pants with someone who is attempting Movember?
4. Are you okay to DFMO with any and every guy that walks past you?