10 Things I Hate About You
Over the past eight months I have been nursing a broken heart. And what I’ve come to learn is that everyone wants to give you their two cents when it comes to heart ache- my particular favourite came from my doctor believe it or not. What she offered was “to get over someone you have to get under someone else.” And as unconventional as it sounds, I did that. I did it all summer long, only to find out that getting “under” someone else was only a temporary way to ease my loneliness.
I spent my summer listening to Lost Year by Mutemath on repeat as I cried myself to sleep each night. I couldn’t leave my bedroom without fighting back tears. My friends tried to convince me I was better off without him and I cried because I knew they were right. I remember telling myself that I would never be “that girl”. I would never be the girl who chose her boyfriend over her girlfriends and I would never value his opinion over my own. I broke both my own rules. In my eyes he was perfection- everything he said to me were words from God and I can’t think of anything more heavenly than him holding me. Looking back I hate myself for letting a man do this to me. This is not who I was taught to be.
As September rolled around so did the me who I was proud of, I’m not sure if it was just time or if I had literally cried myself dry but Over the past two months I learnt more about myself and why being dumped was something that, even if I couldn’t see it then, I needed.
With my experimental promiscuous months behind me, I am still blissfully unaware of what I want when it comes to finding a partner. A few things I have narrowed down are things that I definitely do not want in a significant other:
1.Bad dance moves: If they only moves they are capable of are the ones with your butt is pressed to their crotch its time to find someone who can get down without holding your hips. You want someone you can have fun with without worrying about if you look “sexy” or not, because if you’re dancing your heart out, which I hope you are, you most definitely do not look sexy.
- Someone who makes you feel guilty for not liking what they do: For a while I found myself going to concerts of bands I was quite honestly terrified of. How often do I have to wear earplugs to Skrillex to realize that this is something I would rather pay not to see? Being attracted to different things is something that amazes me in another person, but when they are forcing their passions down your throat instead of appreciating your own then you know there is something wrong.
3. Friendships: I am all for my “girl time” in fact all of my favourite memories come from my four housemates and I in our living room. I can only wish my significant other has the relationship with his housemates and friends that I have with mine, that being said I don’t want every time we hang out to turn into some big event with all of our friends. Spending time alone is valuable and sometimes hard to come across. I don’t want someone who will choose his friends over me in every situation.I want to feel like him spending time with me is something he genuinely wants over something I am begging for.
- Texting: Less is more. As hard as this concept is for many people to understand, myself included, it is so unnecessary to be texting someone all day every day. I can’t imagine you still have things to talk about for 48 hours straight, and now when I see you what is there to share? The same goes for texting when you are with your significant other. Being cut off from the outside world and being alone with another person is so remarkable and rare, I want the person to cherish me as much as they do their instagram account.
5.Can’t laugh at themselves: This is everyone’s “go to” when asked what they look for in a partner, and as it should be. I think being able to laugh in general and at yourself is one of the most attractive qualities- Unfortunately it is one that I’ve learnt is hard to come by. I consider myself a hilarious person, not everyone agrees but when I am looking for someone I don’t want someone who will feel uncomfortable if I were to ask “Would you rather have sex with your mom or your dad?” I want them to laugh at how someone could think of that question and then have the courage to ask it to someone else. If you can’t be the butt of a joke or understand humor then its time to reevaluate and go watch Mike Birbigia’s, My girlfriends boyfriend.
- Expecting Sex: Yes, we all want sex. No, just because you bought me a G&T at the bar I’m not going to bone you. Feeling pressure to have sex is not only uncomfortable but also unattractive. I never want to be with someone who thinks that just because he came over to watch a movie that I will immediately take off my pants. As hard as it is to believe sex is not something that is purely alcohol induced. There are nights where sleeping is all I want to do in my bed.
- Controlling: This seems like an obvious one but it’s so easy to let a guy control you without even noticing it, I experienced this first hand. I make my schedule, not you. If I have time to grab lunch with you that’s great, if I don’t then it’s not your job to make me feel guilty about it.
- No Motivation/ Aspirations: I’m not saying you have to have a step-by-step plan on where you are going but have some motivation to create one. Pursue things that you love instead of things your parents and society deem as practical. Embrace that you are young and that education is such a valuable asset. As much as I love lying in bed all day and watching Netflix, I don’t want to do that with you for the rest of my life.
- “Grey Area”: I don’t have time to play mind games, If you like me then tell me. I don’t want to wait around for days wondering why you haven’t texted me back. I’m not interested in being led on for weeks or months before you decide this is something you ultimately never wanted. We are all old and mature enough to express what we want when it comes to a significant other, there is no point on beating around the bush.
10. Self conscious: If you are unable to change in front of your significant other because you feel you are simply not attractive enough there is something wrong. Being beyond confortable with someone is one of the many benefits of friendship and partnerships. Every body is beautiful in one way or another and if your person can’t see that then they don’t deserve to see anything.
I don’t think I can put this any more perfectly than the queen herself:
“I DON’T WANT A BOYFRIEND. I JUST WANT SOMEONE THAT WANTS TO HANG OUT ALL THE THE TIME, AND THINKS I’M THE BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD, AND WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ONLY ME.” LENA DUNHAM